My battle with anorexia..and other such things.

My parents are both strong Christians. They sang praise songs with me and took me to church, Sunday school, and Bible school. They also taught me how to pray. When I was four years old, I asked Jesus into my heart. Throughout elementary and middle school, I was the good girl who never really did anything wrong. I was never grounded and I had many friends. I was also very quiet....and I still kinda am.

In 8th grade, I rededicated my life to Christ at a youth event called Acquire the Fire. When I got home, I helped my mom start a youth group at my church and became active in it all through high school. I remained the good girl and I got made fun of for it, but I still had lots of friends. I refused to drink and go to parties and I talked about the Bible. Normal teenagers just didn't do that.

I was kind of worried about going to college, however. I knew that a lot of people changed when they got there, and I definitely didn't want to do that. Even though it was a Catholic school, I doubted that there would be many opportunities for me to grow in my faith, especially since I'm not Catholic. When I got to school as a freshman, I struggled a little bit with depression and had a hard time making friends who shared my beliefs. In December a girl in one of my classes invited me to a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting. I was scared to go, but she offered to meet me outside, so I went. When I got there, there weren't many people there, it was so comforting to finally see Christians gather at my school. I continued going there every week, every year. During my junior year, Campus Crusade tripled its size and my faith really started expanding. I started reading the Bible more and finding more Christian friends.

Last summer, I went on a summer project with Campus Crusade for Christ. I spent 2 and a half months living in Ocean City, MD with 27 other Christians from around the country. We shared our faith on the boardwalk, had Bible studies, various teachings and trainings on how to effectively run Cru on our campuses. I was stretched every single day on project and I finally felt God molding me into the woman I was created to be.

So I could end the story here and everyone would think that I've lived a perfect life. No problems. Just perfect. And I could do that, in face, many people throughout my life think that I have lived a perfect life, but they are actually wrong. Even Christians go through struggles and my struggle was a battle with myself. I didn't mention that when I was a kid I was very tall... I mean very tall. I was 5'4 in the third grade and I wasn't skinny like my other classmates. I stuck out very badly and got made fun of for it. I vividly remember some comments that were made way back in elementary school. I don't think I dwelled on it back then, but I remembered it. I slimmed down a little bit when I got to middle school and people caught up to me in height, so I looked more "normal" in sixth grade. When I was 12-almost-13, I started "dating" a boy and I guess I felt the need to be skinny, so I decided that I wasn't going to eat for a while....after all, that's how people lose weight, they don't eat. So that summer, I had my first episode of anorexia. I think it lasted about a week or two that time. I continued with this battle for eight years, on and off. But no one really noticed because I wasn't "anorexic-looking". It was hard for people to keep track of what I actually was or wasn't eating, so they just assumed that I was eating whenever they weren't around. I felt terrible about my body... trying on clothes was a nightmare and I hated to look at myself in the mirror. I constantly compared myself to other girls and I swore that I was always the biggest one. I thought that if I could just be skinnier, I would be happier.

No one ever told me that what I was doing was a sin. It was my body and I could do whatever I wanted with it.... I just wanted to lose weight. I wasn't hurting anyone. Even going on project last summer, sometime in July I started having those thoughts of going back to that lifestyle. In the back of my mind I knew that I would struggle with it again because I never tried to stop. It was a part of me for eight years.... something like that is hard to give up. So one day, while I was sitting at work in Maryland, I heard the voice of God cry out to me, "YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE. I CREATED YOU, MY MASTERPIECE, AND YOU ARE DESTROYING IT." God was telling me that HE (the creator of this beautiful universe) created me PERFECTLY and I had the nerve to rip it apart and tell God that his creation was disguisting. How disrespectful! I would never insult a painting that my best friend created, so why would I insult the artpiece that God created? So, a few nights later, I felt so disguisted with my past. I could not believe what I had done to myself and how I was listening to all those lies that Satan placed in my mind (he really is sneaky... I never knew it was him all along!). I completely surrendered the battle that night. I gave it up to God and vowed to NEVER do it again. Exactly one year later I am writing this pleased to say that I have not given in to those thoughts. Last summer I learned to place my identity in Christ, not my appearance. My friends don't love me for the way I look, and neither does God...so I shouldn't either. I'm God's daughter and I'm so thankful for this life that He's given me. I'm SO thankful for Campus Crusade for Christ and that summer project I went on. I learned so much more about God, about life, and about myself than I ever thought I would.
I want so much to help others change their lives like I changed mine. Maybe they're not all battling eating disorders, but maybe they are struggling with other things, like depression, drug abuse, alcoholism. I want others to know that there is hope and life is sooooo good with God.
Maybe not always perfect, but definitely amazing.

This past fall, I became an intern with Campus Crusade for Christ. I lead Bible studies, provide outreach training, disciple college women, and so much more on campuses in Western Pennsylvania. God is really moving on these campuses and I'm thrilled to be apart of the Great Commission - to GO (out of my comfort zone) and make disciples of all the nations: Matthew 28:18-20.

Welcome!

So I've tried Livejournal, Xanga, and myspace blogs, but Blogspot seems to be the new "thing". I'm going to use this blog to describe my daily life. I work as a campus minister with an amazing organization called "Campus Crusade for Christ".. perhaps you've heard of it? Or maybe you're a college student and you call it "Cru"... we're all about reaching the world for Christ. Basically, I love Jesus and I want to tell everyone about Him!

So maybe you've gone to church all your life... or maybe you haven't and you're thinking "this religion thing isn't for me"... whatever your story is, I would like to meet you. Share your story with me. I want to know what you believe. Don't just read this blog and leave - leave me comments.

So a little bit about myself... I'm 23, I'm a Christian. I'm from Johnstown, PA, currently living in the thriving metropolis of Indiana, PA. I've got an amazing family and awesome friends. My boyfriend is incredible. My dating record is really something. I'll have to share some of the stories... or not, because it's actually really terrible. Anyway, Seth treats me the way I don't deserve to be treated, and makes me incredibly happy.

Some of my hobbies and interests include: yoga, amusement parks, psychology, personality, reading, Friends, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Hairspray, The Office, drinking Sprite and Silk Soy Milk: Very Vanilla, vegetarianism, animals, scrapbooking, taking pictures, planning for the future, shopping (for the future, especially), chocolate, cooking, and more. Get to know me and find out for yourself.